Welcome to The Human Ride.

Because we're all in this together,
this blog is an ongoing chronicle of what it means to be human,
with a focus on what it means to be human ... cyclists.
The good. The bad. The ugly.
The joy of a ride on a lonely country road.
The pain of a cyclocross race.
The rage that comes from dealing with aggressive drivers.
The appreciation of a fine piece of cycling artistry.
And anything else that comes as a result of loving bikes
and living.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

There was drama.

There was drama today. I’ll try to be as accurate as I can. Here’s how it went down:

MIND: Hey, Body, come over here, I’ve got something to show you.

BODY: Dude. Not now. I’m all comfy here watching the Olympics.

MIND: Look, I found one of your team uniforms, still in the bag. Betcha can’t fit in it.

BODY: Bitch, dontcha make me get up.

MIND: Thought so.

BODY: Pinche culero, man. Can’t you just leave me alone? I’m gonna miss another Lindsay Vonn interview.

MIND: Mm ... hmm.

BODY: Fine! Let me see that. (Mmmfff!) See? It fits just fine.

MIND: It’s a little tight in the middle there.

BODY: Yeah, but, just a litt … hey! What are you doing? No! Stop!

(At this point, from snippets that I’ve gathered, Mind pretty much kidnapped Body and both of them got on my mountain bike and headed out the door for a ride. Body was not happy.)

BODY: You gotta be kidding me! That was a slimy trick. You jerk.

MIND: Pedal, pedal, pedal. Watch out. Curb. Bunny hop. Car coming. Pedal. Turn, turn. Pedal faster. Median. Hop. Curb. Hop. Pedal.

BODY: OH … MY … GOD! You’re frikking killing me! Arrgh! You know how long it’s been since I did this? (Gasp!)

MIND: Better keep up. And keep quiet. We’ve not been on a bike in two months and I’m still pissed off about what you did to our brother. Watch out – root!

BODY: Soul? Whaddaya mean? Soul is gonna be fine. Yikes! That root was waaay to big. I hurt my huevos.

MIND: Sorry, I saw it too late. Anyway, last time I saw Soul, he was all aplastado under your fat ass as you cheered on Apolo Ohno. You know how sensitive he is and how he mopes when he's not riding.

BODY: Crap. Seriously? Well you can’t blame it all on me. You’re the one coming up with all the reasons why not to ride – too much work; too cold; too this; too that. Wah.

MIND: Fair enough, I just hope Soul’s gonna be allrigh … Whoa! That’s gonna hurt.

BODY: Easy for you to say, it’s my shoulder hitting the tree.

MIND: Well maybe if you quit whining I could focus. We’re a team, you know.

(A couple of hours later, they pulled up to the house. Soul was waiting on the front steps.)

SOUL: Hey bros, where you’ve been? I was looking all over for you.

MIND: We had something to straighten out between the two of us.

SOUL: Everything OK?

BODY: No biggie, it’s all good.

SOUL: Well next time you go out for a ride, let me know. We’re a team, you know.

MIND: Sure thing, brother. Sure thing.

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