Welcome to The Human Ride.

Because we're all in this together,
this blog is an ongoing chronicle of what it means to be human,
with a focus on what it means to be human ... cyclists.
The good. The bad. The ugly.
The joy of a ride on a lonely country road.
The pain of a cyclocross race.
The rage that comes from dealing with aggressive drivers.
The appreciation of a fine piece of cycling artistry.
And anything else that comes as a result of loving bikes
and living.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Eye wunce rote a pome.

A few years ago I got stung repeatedly by a hornet while on a ride (That's what the sucker looked like).

I wrote a poem about it.

Curse Thee, O Hornet, For Thy Multiple-sting Ability.

A true story by Luis Gonzalez

J-R-A on F-M Twenty-nine Seventy-eight,*

One wandering hornet and I (it was fate),

Met head on – a collision a cyclist would dread

Had it meant just one sting on the top of the head.

But for me it was different, I noticed too soon,

As the wasp it stung twice at the neck of this goon.

As I swerved off the road in a panicky squirm,

My jersey I flung off in haste to confirm

That the insect had left my Lycra and fled

To attack the next poor and unsuspecting Fred.

But alas, five miles later, I learned, yelling, “F–ck!”

That under my base layer the bugger had snuck!

Three more times he nailed me right under the pit.

So I pinched on the cloth to squash the little sh–t.

He stabbed my gloved thumb – that’s three layers, folks.

The bastard was up to no good – and no jokes –

As he crawled to, and stung me, on my manly chest,

As if saying, “How’s that, for a flying yellow pest?”

By now I was writhing in panic and pain,

Tearing off all my clothing in careless disdain.

But, too late, as my bib shorts apparently made

One last layer for Vespa crabro to invade,

And administer the eighth and terminal sting

To the base of my… umm, you know, my, umm… my thing.

Crushed in defeat, even more, humiliation,

I reached to release him in blind desperation.

But the creature flew off with the wind, not to linger,

As I noticed his tiny upright middle finger.

*Just Riding Along on FM (Farm-to-Market road) 2978

Saturday, February 27, 2010

There was drama.

There was drama today. I’ll try to be as accurate as I can. Here’s how it went down:

MIND: Hey, Body, come over here, I’ve got something to show you.

BODY: Dude. Not now. I’m all comfy here watching the Olympics.

MIND: Look, I found one of your team uniforms, still in the bag. Betcha can’t fit in it.

BODY: Bitch, dontcha make me get up.

MIND: Thought so.

BODY: Pinche culero, man. Can’t you just leave me alone? I’m gonna miss another Lindsay Vonn interview.

MIND: Mm ... hmm.

BODY: Fine! Let me see that. (Mmmfff!) See? It fits just fine.

MIND: It’s a little tight in the middle there.

BODY: Yeah, but, just a litt … hey! What are you doing? No! Stop!

(At this point, from snippets that I’ve gathered, Mind pretty much kidnapped Body and both of them got on my mountain bike and headed out the door for a ride. Body was not happy.)

BODY: You gotta be kidding me! That was a slimy trick. You jerk.

MIND: Pedal, pedal, pedal. Watch out. Curb. Bunny hop. Car coming. Pedal. Turn, turn. Pedal faster. Median. Hop. Curb. Hop. Pedal.

BODY: OH … MY … GOD! You’re frikking killing me! Arrgh! You know how long it’s been since I did this? (Gasp!)

MIND: Better keep up. And keep quiet. We’ve not been on a bike in two months and I’m still pissed off about what you did to our brother. Watch out – root!

BODY: Soul? Whaddaya mean? Soul is gonna be fine. Yikes! That root was waaay to big. I hurt my huevos.

MIND: Sorry, I saw it too late. Anyway, last time I saw Soul, he was all aplastado under your fat ass as you cheered on Apolo Ohno. You know how sensitive he is and how he mopes when he's not riding.

BODY: Crap. Seriously? Well you can’t blame it all on me. You’re the one coming up with all the reasons why not to ride – too much work; too cold; too this; too that. Wah.

MIND: Fair enough, I just hope Soul’s gonna be allrigh … Whoa! That’s gonna hurt.

BODY: Easy for you to say, it’s my shoulder hitting the tree.

MIND: Well maybe if you quit whining I could focus. We’re a team, you know.

(A couple of hours later, they pulled up to the house. Soul was waiting on the front steps.)

SOUL: Hey bros, where you’ve been? I was looking all over for you.

MIND: We had something to straighten out between the two of us.

SOUL: Everything OK?

BODY: No biggie, it’s all good.

SOUL: Well next time you go out for a ride, let me know. We’re a team, you know.

MIND: Sure thing, brother. Sure thing.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Tandem Riders

I’ve been off the bike for two months. Year-end holidays, weeks out of town for work, bad weather, more work, legal problems, more rain – all conspired to keep my four pairs of wheels static, motionless, gathering dust.

But as I pinch my bikes’ tires to gauge how flat they’ve become, I need to admit to you, I’m not whining or complaining. In fact, it’s quite a wonderful choice not having to get up at 4:20 to go riding; and it’s actually liberating to know that I have that extra time to sleep, dream or simply lay in bed, staring at the ceiling.

Of course I’ll get back on the bike eventually. I miss it. I need it. I’ve been riding since I was eight and I’ll ride till I’m 98. It’s a part of me.

But, in the meantime, while that moment comes when I’ll lift my leg over the saddle, I remind myself that this blog is meant to chronicle our journey during the human ride. And this human ride goes on, whether we’re on a bike or not. Sort of like a road race continues after you’ve crashed into a heap of torn skin and Lycra. It’s not that other racers don’t care; the race simply continues. That’s racing. That’s life.

Yet, one of the things that is possible in life, as in racing, is that we sometimes get lucky enough to have good teammates for support, encouragement and companionship. A few, are family, bound by blood and linked to the past and future like an infinite paceline. Some are our work colleagues, united by a common cause. Others are friends – sharing interests, memories and stories.

But today I want to write about a much closer partner on this ride. More than a co-pilot, she’s a rider on a shared tandem bike, pedaling along with me; climbing, descending, steering, stopping and starting, over and over again.

My partner’s name is Lemée; pronounced Leh-may, her great-grandmother’s French last name. At first glance, she appears to be shy, naïve, bookish; somewhat vulnerable. And all those impressions are true. They are part of who she is, but they are only superficial traits. I would guess that most people who know her, even her close friends, don’t go deeper than what they see. And that’s fine by me; I know better.

I’ve been around for 52 years and seen my share of singular people, interesting characters, beautiful, wonderful, intriguing human beings. But Lemée is original in a way that is hard to explain, because she possesses a trait that is unique to her. And I say it’s hard to explain, not because the concept is complicated, but because it’s so simple, and it’s so pure in its form: Lemée is the most honest person in the world. Yes, she’s also sweet, loving, caring, devoted and uncomplicated, which are wonderful qualities, and, fortunately for many happy couples, these are things that many other humans share. But pure honesty? It’s as rare as sticking a one-man breakaway in a Cat 4 crit.

OK, even rarer.

It’s interesting, because it took me a while to find this secret out. When I first met her I was struck by her clean, simple style, her clarity of purpose, and her no-nonsense approach to life. But her inner strength is not perceptible from the outside.

Yes, it took me quite a while to realize that Lemée does not lie. But when it hit me, it hit me hard. She. Does. Not. Lie. Does not cheat. Does not break the rules. Does not cut corners. Does not find the easy way out. Witnessing how she lives by this unequivocal standard is impressive, inspiring and humbling. I am also ashamed, because I remember once in a distant past vowing to live this way, too.

Lemée’s honesty is sometimes a burden for her; she's had her fair share of run-ins with people at work. As you may imagine at an ad agency, there are those who function with hypocrisy, dishonesty and deviousness. And unethical people run up against a brick wall when they deal with Lemée, who shoots straight and goes by the book – always. And, of course, they hate her for it; not only because they are impeded in their deviance, but because, most likely they are confronted with their own deceit. They are reminded they are wrong and they dislike hearing it so much that they prefer to dislike Lemée instead. She tries to take it in stride, but I know it wears on her.

For me, Lemée's honesty is as precious as the most coveted treasure. She's the real deal. She calls it like it is, lets me know the truth, is always on the level. She makes me feel like a worthy human being, sometimes I'm simply a trusted friend and sometimes I’m a superhero. Before Lemée, I was married for 20 years to a woman who always kept me on my toes, out of balance, making sure I never knew where I stood, I never felt certain, I never felt sure, I never felt right. She wasn’t evil. She wasn’t mean. She wasn’t cruel. It’s just that … she wasn’t honest. And, in a relationship this close, if there’s no honesty, there’s no trust. And, pedal stroke after pedal stroke, if there’s one thing tandem riders need from each other, in the long human ride, it’s trust.